March 2012
February 2012
This Needs/Beats Work
Avenue Diner. You know, that one place we met for coffee and breakfast. We sat there just as the sun rose over that crooked midnight smile. I laughed as you coughed and smoked three coffin nails into your head rest. And just as the server was about to freshen your cup, I realized that hot brown sugar water was filling me up. The other diner guests had grown restless, waiting for their french fries and open faced denver bibles. And just as fast as those cooks could flip their scrambled eggs, we played the check and ran from the diner as if it was a burning building about to light up. Two more coffin nails and six centuries of a city past as we walked down the street. Alley cats and grocery cart drivers hustled and bustled about their daily routines. At this time of day (or was it night?) you can always see the inner workings of this town. We put on our faces, and those business suit lies and laugh like kings of the board rooms. But what we really want is to jump into the dumpsters and find another mans pleasure. I keep looking at your watch like it’s got something to say, but it just keeps repeating the same phrase. It’s time to get moving. It’s time to get the hell out of here. My wheels are burning, and I’ll be damned if I’m not dragging you to hell with me kicking and jumping for joy. A priest and a nun walk past like a bad joke, as they burn holes of holiness into the back of our empty skulls. But just like that brown sugar diner with those scramble eggs I’m filling up. I’m filling up with desire. I need to burn, and honey from the looks in your eyes, I’m about the look like the night sky on the fourth of July.
”Go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” — Kurt Vonnegut
You know Kurt, I certainly am making a living, but I think you’re onto something here. I go many days without creating anything. Most of the time I make things I’m not satisfied with. But somehow I keep coming back to the pen and pad, the paint brush and bucket, the band and the rhythm. Swimming in a sea of mediocrity feels a lot like drowning. But I just can’t stop swimming up stream. Every corner is hiding the next big thing. All the late nights and mayhem are wonderful stories to tell in the morning. More often than not those nights turn into the most productive of mornings. So Kurt, I can’t help but smile when I make lousy art, or light the world on fire with my friends, or when I get caught up in those beautiful, round eyes. Waking up next to your inspiration is one hell of a good morning. So Mr. Vonnegut I will keep on singing, dancing and telling all those stories and I’ll sure as hell keep living. And I will never stop making art.
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Why the friendzone is bullshit and self-proclaimed "nice guys" are misogynists →
feministhistorian.tumblr.com
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”
and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”
Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?
From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.
Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?
Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman.They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”.
